I don't know why but things doesn't seem to be going the right way. It's like the pms period is well over but things doesn't seem to be back to normal. Even w e trip to genting w 10 others, I don't seem to be truly happy? I mean I'm happy, but not feeling awesomely happy. And I'm pretty sure things between us is going quite badly.. The differences in our opinions are getting stronger and stronger w every decision we make or thoughts we have.
It's like.. Hmm rejection of my pleads crushes my confidence and morale too. Yes, girls too have their own ego, just not as strong as guys. The total crash of ego came when a coin flip won u over.
Even as of here, a blog where I'm ranting, I'm picking my words so carefully, cause of fears that u might find me unreasonably offensive, that it doesn't really express my actual thoughts well too.
When I told someone 'if I ask him to go/come, he sure go Siao ah! at me' and the person laughed. Well, I was hoping to hear a different answer, thinking that maybe, just maybe a lil hope, that you might be sweeter and willing to give me more than I thought. Yes, Sweetness is the key point.
I somehow can imagine you telling me that 'haven't I put in enough efforts? Why don't u see it?'
I will be stumped for words. Because I'm me. A girl. Please love this side of me as well. The selfish me.
Sometimes I wish that u will be able to put down your ego for me. that would really be great.
Don't be too quick to answer me saying that you have already done so. The best way to know the answer is to think back of your reaction or the first thought that came to your mind when u read the previous paragraphs above. Yes, that's exactly what I mean.
It isn't about not knowing what I want. It's about not wanting to give me enough of what I want. Yes, another key point. What is enough? That is by my limit. Not accordance to yours.
I am losing the feel that you treat me differently from your ex. Still remember the difference that you told me two and a half years ago? That's what I'm looking for.
Reminder To Self: Don't be too held up in your own world.
Never talk about love again. 12:13 AM.
